Miscarriage and Trying to Conceive

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So today I’m doing something a little different on the blog. I’m sure you can already tell by the title of this this post, but today I’m getting really personal. It’s been on my heart to talk about this for a while and for some reason, now finally seems to be the time.

It seems crazy to me that our story of trying to conceive is mixed with a story of miscarriage. And our story of miscarriage is mixed with a story of trying to conceive. Sometimes it’s hard to wrap my head around how we’ve dealt with both. Each comes with different emotions that can be hard to sort through.

This month marks a year ago that I had a miscarriage. And, it had been a year since we’d begun trying to conceive. This month marks two years since the first month we tried to start a family. So let’s go back to about a year ago…

After having tried for a year to get pregnant with no luck, we started talking about whether or not we should look into fertility issues. We’d seen some friends go through it, so we knew how emotional, involved and expensive it could be. I didn’t want to go through all of that if we didn’t need to.

When we first started trying to conceive, I wasn’t feeling overwhelmingly like I needed to get pregnant right away. We knew we wanted to be parents, and we felt generally like we were ready, so we stopped using birth control and decided we’d see what happens. We were leaving it in God’s hands.

But with that year mark approaching, I started to wonder – is it something we need to look into? I prayed about it – a lot. I was hoping for some kind of sign that we didn’t need to do tests. That the timing just wasn’t right yet for getting pregnant.

Then friends of ours who’d been trying for about the same amount of time told us they were pregnant. They’d used a phone app the 3 months prior to track her cycle and it appeared to have worked. So I figured I’d give it a try. If I used that for a few months, and still nothing, we’d look into getting tested. I knew the days I’d started my cycle for the previous couple of months, so I put them into the app.

Within the first month of using that app I got pregnant. It was a Friday morning when I found out. We’d taken a test the Monday before, but it was negative. So I waited until two days after my missed period before testing again. I took three positive tests before we believed the results and let ourselves get excited.

My husband came and met me for lunch at work and started asking about paint colors (the last thing I thought he’d want to talk about, lol) and we called our parents to tell them the news.

It’d taken a year to get pregnant, but only one exciting morning to be thrilled to become parents. The pictures below were taken the next morning.

collage of author pointing at her belly

I didn’t even consider that a miscarriage was a possibility because the timing just seemed so right. I’d be praying about it and it seemed like my prayers had been answered. I mean, it’d taken a year after all. Surely if I’d finally gotten pregnant, it was right.

It was only a week later, to the day, that I began to miscarry. It was a Friday night, so the doctor’s office was closed. We Googled and tried to figure out what to do, but ultimately decided to wait until the appointment I already had scheduled for Monday. The appointment where we were supposed to hear the heartbeat for the first time.

Clearly that appointment didn’t go as expected.

When the doctor came into the room, she had this expectant look on her face, ready to talk about about what questions we had. I didn’t realize the test I took when we got there was still showing positive, so she thought all was good. I told her about what was happening and she said it could be nothing, but they’d do an ultrasound to make sure.

The doctor’s comments had given me hope. While we were waiting for the ultrasound room to be ready, I grabbed some of the pamphlets they had about baby stuff.

The ultrasound confirmed our worst fears. Though my body still thought it was pregnant, the screen clearly showed there was nothing there anymore.

It’s nearly impossible to describe the disappointment and sadness we felt. We mourned our baby. We had already told our closest friends and family about our pregnancy – wanting to share our joy. Now we had to call them all back and tell them the news. Saying it over and over again was torture. If we ever have another shot at this whole thing, I won’t be telling everyone so soon again.

And then I wondered, if it had felt so right, if I’d been praying so hard and my prayers seemed answered, why did this happen?

We never know the answer to that question in the moment. When you are feeling that much pain, it can be hard to trust in God’s timing. Yet, trusting in his timing is absolutely the thing that got me through it, though I needed regular reminders.

I admit that I kind of thought we had figured it out somehow. The app had told us when to go for it and magically we had gotten pregnant. Surely it wouldn’t take another year to get pregnant again, right?

You know the saying, “Tell God your plans if you want to hear him laugh”? I imagine he’s been laughing at me pretty hard right about now.

It has been another year. And my goodness, the second year has been so much more difficult to deal with than the first.

The first year was very relaxed. I truly wasn’t worried about getting pregnant.

This past year has been…different. It’s so hard to describe the feelings that I’ve had about it. I still try to be relaxed about it, but recently I have started to feel more of a need to get pregnant. Over the past two years, my husband and I have grown so much as individuals and as a couple. I think I just want it for us that much more. I truly can’t wait to experience pregnancy and children with him and I hope we’ll get to experience that.

I believe it will happen in God’s timing. I want it that way. I know that whatever His plan is, it is bigger and greater than I could have possibly planned. I know that the growth we’ve had is all part of that plan.

But something changed in me after that miscarriage. I can’t even describe it. I don’t want to replace that baby; there’s no replacing what we lost. But I want that excitement back. I want to know we are going to be parents. I want to have a child with my husband. And that has become so much more real to me after getting pregnant. It’s a crazy, weird, different kind of struggle now.

I can’t really pinpoint why I’m emotional sometimes. Is it because of our loss? Is it because we can’t seem to get pregnant after another whole year of trying? Is it because all of a sudden, everyone around us is getting pregnant and we are dealing with this? Do I need to somehow trust Him more?

I think it’s really some combination of all of it. It’s hard to have hope every month that gets crushed. And I admit that I don’t always handle news of other people’s pregnancy very well. There have been a lot of tears.

I pray about this regularly – whether it’s for strength, the ability to trust in His plan for us, or something else. Recently I’ve gone back to praying and wondering again if we need to look into things.

Was that pregnancy a fluke? Do we need help with trying to conceive?

I ended up at the doctor a couple weeks ago because I felt like something was off. Turns out, I was right. What they discovered could actually have been affecting my ability to conceive and has even been associated with miscarriage.

I have no idea what to think about it. Obviously you start to wonder if that could’ve been the problem all along. And if so, why did it have to take so long to figure it out?

Honestly, I don’t know if it’ll make a difference. Will we get pregnant now that that issue has been taken care of? I have no idea. Obviously I’m hopeful, but sometimes the hope feels scary.

What I do know though, is that no matter what, I’ve gotten to a place where I’m so incredibly grateful. And through all we’ve experienced over the last two years, I’ve learned so much. I trust Him more now than ever.

I still believe the prayers that I prayed a year ago were answered, just not in the way I was expecting. The miscarriage is one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through, but without it, I’d never have known that I could get pregnant. We might have started doing tests and it could have been for no reason. And looking back at the past year, there are so many great things that have happened that would’ve happened differently or not at all if we’d had a child. I believe the miscarriage and this past year was God’s way of telling me to wait and teaching me to trust – in Him and His timing.

It has been hard, but my husband and I are in a better place than we’ve ever been. I love him more now than I ever knew I could (and it’s not just because of all of this stuff, we’ve grown in our faith A TON and it’s had a huge impact on us). And I don’t think the changes we’ve seen would’ve happened the same way if a baby had been thrown in the mix.

I’m still sad at times. And I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cried trying to write this. But I’m also happy. And as scary as it is, hopeful.

I trust God and his plan for us. It could be another year before we are able to have a family, if ever, and I have some seriously mixed emotions. I just pray that no matter what, God gives me strength to go through it – the good and the bad. And I continue to be grateful for all the amazing blessings I do have, because there are so many.

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  1. Lindsay

    Hi Lindsay, I am late to finding your blog but am now a new subscriber! First, let me say that I am so sorry about your loss, it definitely is all in the Lord’s hands and we can only trust in his plans for us. I miscarried last year on Thanksgiving (of all days) and while reading your story I literally felt like you took the words right out of my mouth. Although this is difficult to go through and I do feel alone in my feelings at times, it is also comforting to know that someone else out there in the world knows exactly how you feel and that takes some of the loneliness out of it for me so thank you for sharing. My husband (who is also referred to as “The Hubs”) and I are doing our very best to remain positive. After almost a year of serious ttc my doctor decided to have my fertility tested and so far it has all come back positive so at this point we’re kind of like what gives! But, God’s got this and we know that we are meant to have a family so in the famous words of Dory “Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming.” Also, my doctor suggested an all natural vitamin called Vitex to which I’ve read excellent reviews about so fingers are crossed over here. All the very best to you Lindsay, I very much enjoy your blog and look forward to testing out these wonderful recipes!

    1. Lindsay

      Thank you so much Lindsay. I’m glad you found my story helpful. I definitely have felt like hearing other people’s stories helps me too. I’m sorry you are struggling with this as well – it’s a struggle I wouldn’t want anyone to face. We are in the same boat with wondering what gives, but would agree that God’s got this. The hard part is always the waiting and having faith. 🙂 Best to you as well and I hope you enjoy the recipes!

  2. Elianah

    Hi Lindsay, reading your testimony was so moving and touched my heart deeply because I went through the same thing (miscarriage the very first pregnancy). Your faith in G-d is very strong and I just know that you will be rewarded soon. I stand in agreement with you in prayer concerning your and your husband’s heart’s desire to have children. I pray that G-d will soon bless your family with children. Know also that your first child is very much in heaven and he/she knows you and remembers you dearly and waiting for the day when you two will meet again. Yeshua/Jesus walks with your child in heaven.
    PS: I just came across your site this morning when I spotted the recipe for the slutty tiramisu as this desert is one of my favorites!! You have a blessed day/week/month/year and be fruitful!!!!!!

    1. Lindsay

      Thank you! And thank you for the prayers.
      I hope you enjoy the tiramisu – it’s a fun one. 🙂

  3. Abby

    An amazing testimony on a sorceress who help me to get pregnant, So me and my partner have been trying for a baby for the last 2 years now. I don’t have a regular cycle so it is hard for me to tell when I’m ovulating or not, but we always have sex at least 3 times a week, sometimes more. I know it can take up to a year to conceive but everyone i know who have had a baby have conceived within 2-3months of trying and it is really getting to me. my partner had a fertility test about a year ago and his sperm were fine. I’m thinking it could be a problem with me but I’ve never had any symptoms of any problems. My partner does smoke and have the occasional drink, and i used to smoke and also have the occasional drink. i know i’m slightly overweight but that shouldn’t affect our chances too much, one faithful day my friend told me to contact a Sorceress that help her sister, then i contact the woman on her email. after three months the doctor confirm that i am pregnant thank you Sorceress mama jaja for helping me get a baby, I am thankful for all she had done. contact her via email: (mamajajasorceress@yahoo.com), if you are trying to get a baby. she has powers to do it.

  4. Aunt J

    I am new to your blog and love seeing both recipes and God’s word. I did not have children; I got married when I was in my 50s. My sister and brother had beautiful children they freely loaned to me. I have close, loving relationships with my nieces and nephews. All this is to say that God loves you more than you can ever fully grasp. He knows what you need and when you need it. He will fulfill EVERY need on His perfect timing. He never asks us to do anything He does not equip us to do. I applaud your courage, your faith and your willingness to give it all to Him. Your babies are His, trusting His timing may well stretch you and as you yield, He will surprise you with the abundance of His provision. Every good and perfect gift is indeed from Him. Bless you my new baking buddy and fellow believer.

    1. lifeloveandsugar@gmail.com

      Thank you so much for the encouraging words! I agree with you completely. 🙂 I’m so glad you’ve found my blog!

  5. Debra Turner

    So sorry to hear of your disappointment. I know of two young ladies who had the same heartbreak. One couple is pregnant right now and a second couple decided to adopt — and couldn’t be happier with their new baby girl, who they feel was meant to be their daughter. It’s stressful. Let yourself be a bit sad, but stay positive and don’t get up.

    1. lifeloveandsugar@gmail.com

      Thanks Debra! I’m definitely trying to stay positive. We’ll see what the future holds. 🙂

  6. Leslie

    Lindsay, I just happened to be browsing for recipes and read your blog. I am sorry for your loss. I know what it is like to trust God’s timing. I am not married, but want to be, in God’s time. I am praying for you and your husband, thank you for sharing your journey of faith. It has helped me in mine.

  7. Julia @ Sprinkled With Jules

    I can’t say I know what you’re going through in any way, but I am sorry for your lost. One of my sisters had a miscarriage and trouble getting pregnant for a few years before she had her son. I admire your strength and faith, and I hope you can get your answer.

  8. Kelly - Life Made Sweeter

    Oh Lindsay, I am so so sorry for your loss and that you are going through this. You are amazing and so brave – thank you so much for sharing your story here with us. My heart is with you and your husband. Sending you lots of prayers and hugs your way.

  9. Ashley+|+Spoonful+of+Flavor

    I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this, but I very much appreciate you sharing your story. It sounds like you have a wonderful support system. Please know that I am thinking of you, praying for you and wishing I could give you a big hug right now!

  10. Kathi+@+Deliciously+Yum!

    You are such an amazing woman, Lindsay! I can only imagine what it must feel like to share something so personal with everyone. I can’t tell you how sorry I am for what you’ve experienced, but your positive outlook, gratefulness and continued trust in God is so inspiring. You and your sweet baby in heaven are making a huge difference in the lives of others by being so open with love and hope. Please know that will join you in praying for your miracle baby – you will be a wonderful mom one day. Lots of hugs being send your way, dear!

  11. Melanie @ Carmel Moments

    So sorry Lindsay! I can’t imagine how difficult that must be! I’m so happy that you are trusting in God and know that his ways and his timing are perfect!
    Will keep you in my prayers! Children are a blessing and I know you will be blessed one day soon.

  12. Stephanie @ Back for Seconds

    Oh, Lindsay. I am so sorry you are having to endure this difficult journey. I know all too well how agonizing it can be. I am always here and willing to listen if you ever need to talk to someone who has been through it all…with miracles at the end! Never give up hope! Hope is my daughter’s middle name – and for good reason. God knows your heart’s desires and he delights in fulfilling them!

    1. lifeloveandsugar@gmail.com

      Thank you so much Stephanie! We try to stay positive. And I love that your daughter’s middle name is Hope – perfect!

  13. Julie

    I was looking at some of your recipes and saw the title of this post! I had to read it. Although I have not had a miscarriage, my husband and I had fertility issues for about 9 years. Those years shaped me and grew us so much. We were not able to conceive and had the blessing of adopting our twin girls, who are now 3. I would go through those 9 years all over again to have my girls. God grows us and creates families in such special ways! Praying He will grow yours soon.

    1. lifeloveandsugar@gmail.com

      I’m so glad you came across my post Julie. Thank you so much for the prayers and encouragement! God has already been growing and shaping us, and while it’s hard, I look forward to seeing what he has in store. 🙂

  14. Kelli

    Just wanted to let you know that you are right in trusting God and His timing. My daughter and her husband were unable to have a child. They adopted first one son, then a few years later, another. They are now 6 & 9. After over 7 years of marriage they were blessed with a 3rd son , their 1st biological child, a little over 1 year ago. They, and we–as Mamma & Papa, would have missed out immensely if they had conceived easily, as we would not have the two older boys. We love them ” to infinity and beyond”. Lol. My daughter had a really hard time during those years but she grew in faith and got to the place where she was so greatly thankful for the two boys she had, and was at peace even if she never experienced pregnancy. And then God blessed them a 3rd time. We don’t know the plans God has for us, but we can trust that they are for our best. I pray God gives you patience and comfort on your journey.

    1. lifeloveandsugar@gmail.com

      What a great story Kelli! I’m so glad it worked out for you all. I’m sure one day we’ll look back too and understand. Thank you so much for the prayers!

  15. Renee@Two in the Kitchen

    Lindsay, I can’t even begin to understand the pain you are going through. You are incredibly courageous to share your story of heartache and I am sure that it is a source of comfort to others who have experienced or are experiencing the same thing. You have such a kind heart and I think it is amazing that you are actually growing in God’s love through this experience. He is not laughing at you but hurting with you. Just remember that He wipes away every tear,even ones that are caused by pain like this.

    1. lifeloveandsugar@gmail.com

      Thank you so much Renee. You made me a tear up a bit. I guess you’re right that he’s not laughing, I’ve just always liked the saying. Reminds me not to work too hard on my own plans. 🙂 Thanks girl!

  16. Sena

    I have been following your post for a while now and I’ve never commented, even though I absolutely love reading your post. I just had to comment this time because you have helped me realized that God is truly awesome and, ” I SOLUTE YOUR FAITH.” Our faith honors Him the most, and He’s faithful. He will give you your heart’s desire.
    God bless you and your husband.

  17. Teju

    Hi Lindsay, First of all, I thank God for your life and your courage. What I want you to know is that God will not let you down , just continue to hold unto Him, He will surprise you in a Big way. He said in His Word that there shall be no barren in the land. Don’t worry. I believe God that before September 2015, you shall deliver a set of twins in Jesus name. We walk by faith not by sight. it is well with your family.

    1. lifeloveandsugar@gmail.com

      Thank you so much Teju. You are right about walking by faith, not sight. That’s definitely a great reminder. Twins would be quite amazing – we shall see! 🙂

      1. Teju

        Hi Lindsay, hope you are good. Just want to remind you that you should not forget to send mail to me as soon as it happens

  18. Stephanie

    Thank you so much for sharing. I too have had trouble conceiving this year and have had two miscarriages that have really shaken me up. I have been praying for peace and strength. It makes me happy to know that there is still how for new to overcome.

    1. lifeloveandsugar@gmail.com

      I’m so sorry for your pain Stephanie! I’m glad the post was helpful in some way. Stay strong – God has a plan for all of us.

  19. Tina Vlerebome

    Lindsay, I am so proud that you shared your struggle and how your loss and sadness strengthened your faith, your relationship with God and with your sweet husband!!! I know firsthand the emotional roller coaster of miscarriages and eventually in His time was given three incredible boys. Continue to trust in God’s timing and know you WILL be the best mother!!! Sending hugs and prayers for you both!!!

    1. lifeloveandsugar@gmail.com

      Thank you so much Tina! Hopefully we’ll be able to say the same one day (but maybe with a girl thrown in 😉 )

  20. Janelle

    Interesting timing that I came across your blog for the first time tonight. I was woken up, so decided to look at Pinterest for a dessert to make for my mom’s birthday today. Came across a great recipe for that Cinnamon poke cake (or whatever it’s called). Before going back to bed, I wanted to go to the original site and let it sit there until morning. (I was afraid I’d forget about it.). Then I read this post. Boy, do I know what that is like!!!!

    My heart just sank, bringing back memory after memory. The feeling that your body is betraying you (because as a woman, you should be able to conceive, right?). Then there’s the guilt associated with a miscarriage “Did I do something wrong?”. . . It seems as though everywhere you turn, someone else is getting to experience that joy that you long for (and are being denied). I don’t know why some of us have been chosen to walk down the barren road while others accidentally fall into parenthood without trying (or sometimes even not wanting it). At those times, it feels like a cruel irony. “God, do you even care?! Don’t you know how much I want to be a mother?” But, there’s no reply. Day after day, season after season goes past with no answer. And so it goes. That’s when you learn to lean on Him. That’s when you learn to be thankful for the things that you have vs. what you don’t have. (Something’s gotta give you hope.)

    I went down that road for 8 1/2 years. That’s eight long years of wishing that I was the one making an announcement. Eight years of wondering if it would ever happen. I think the unknown is the hardest part. I look back now and think “Wow! God knew all along that He was going to bless us with not just one, but three beautiful children, I wouldn’t have felt so much despair. Ah yes, but I also wouldn’t have gotten to know Him as well as I did or to grow as much as I did during that time of ‘wandering in the wilderness,’.

    Thank you for being open about this issue. My prayer for you is that you would wait upon the Lord & His timing, and to not hate the journey as you wait. You never know what He may have in store for you!

    By the way, after those 8 1/2 years of trying after my first miscarriage, we found out that we were expecting again! Our long-awaited son had arrived and surely I had been ” cured” of our infertility. Come to find out, we hadn’t. We lost another little one when our son was almost two (he’s now 10 1/2). I gave up. I at least was a mother. Four years later, he asked me for a sibling. I tried to explain the best I could, but that it probably wouldn’t be happening, but that he could pray about it! Lo and behold, he took me up on that offer and even asked God for a girl! Well, she is now five and just started Kindergarten! Then we have “bonus boy” who decided to show up three years ago. I shake my head in bewilderment at times at just how much the Lord has blessed us! I pray the same for you!!!!

    In the meantime, one song that I clung to is by Ginny Owens called ‘If You Want Me To’. I hope it helps you as well!
    Your sister in Christ,

    1. lifeloveandsugar@gmail.com

      Oh my gosh, thank you so much for sharing! That is the sweetest story about your son praying for a sister! And you hit the nails on their heads – the feelings, the questions and doubts, the learning to lean on Him. Thank you so much for the prayers. We’ve been focusing more on the journey recently and trying to enjoy it as much as we can.

      Also, if you tried the Cinnamon Poke Cake, I hope you enjoyed it. I love that one! 🙂

  21. Angie | Big Bear's Wife

    My heart broke for you and your husband as I read this. Thomas and I have been trying for the past few years, it’s so emotional and it takes a lot out of you. I don’t talk about it much because a lot of people don’t understand but I actually opened up about it, well I guess that’s not the right word, but I posted something about it on my personal Facebook a few weeks ago after yet another stressful doctors apportionment full of exams and blood work and was surprised by the amount of private messages I received from blogging friends that were going through the same thing. You are amazing to write this on the blog for us to read and I’m glad I saw it while I was scrolling through today. Thinking of you both and keep you in my prayers!

    1. lifeloveandsugar@gmail.com

      I’m so sorry for all that you’ve been going through too. It’s not easy. It’s amazing how many people go through it though. Thanks so much for the prayers Angie, I’ll be doing the same for you all.

  22. Dorothy @ Crazy for Crust

    Oh Lindsay. I’m sorry you’re going through this. My heart is with you!! Please know you’re not alone in your pain. Having a baby is a hard thing – harder than a lot of people even understand. Thank you for sharing your story. Know that I’m here if you even need to talk. It’s so much easier to go through this when you have people to talk to that go through it too. I’m sending lots of hugs to you!! xoxo

    1. lifeloveandsugar@gmail.com

      Thank you so much Dorothy! I definitely talk about it regularly. I don’t know how I’d do it if I kept it all bottled up. Thanks for the link to that group too. xo

  23. holly waterfall

    As soon as I saw the title of the post, I got teary because I know your pain. All too well. Almost too the date. I wish there were words to make it easier. I wish I could say that everything will turn out the way you want it to. But I know that those words are empty. Every time someone tells me that it’ll work out the way it’s supposed to, I just want to scream. It’s so hard to accept that as a reality. I have actually been thinking about you and been meaning to shoot you a message to see how you’re doing. So I’m so glad you wrote this.
    I’ve been struggling a lot lately myself with the loss of our baby last year. Just the other day, I was looking for some papers for our IVF loan, and I just had a feeling there were shoved in a box with all the baby things I put away last year. Sure enough, they were there – next to onesies, a baby book, and blankets. I just broke down as all those wounds reopened. No one understands this kind of loss unless they’ve been through it before.
    ANYWAY… Let me know if you need anything at all. HUGS!!!

    1. lifeloveandsugar@gmail.com

      Thank you Holly! I’ve been thinking of you too. I’m so sorry you had to go through that reminder. Sometimes I don’t know if the pain of remembering is good because I don’t forget, or just too hard. Message me any time if you want to talk.

  24. Judith Schmania

    Hi Lindsay!
    I am so very sorry for your loss. I know how very difficult it was for you to write about this. But as a nurse I think you’ve taken a big step towards recovery and moving forward by being able to start talking about this most personal part of your heart. Being discouraged goes with the territory for women. But just don’t give up! I think you sound like you have a spiritual life or at least acknowledge a higher power. So pray, hope and believe that these things happen in God’s time and not ours. I have long thought God wears a different watch then those we wear here on earth. Will keep you in my prayers. Keep cooking & blogging. Your faithful reader-gaswoman1@charter.net

    1. lifeloveandsugar@gmail.com

      Thank you so much Judith! Talking about it helps, no doubt. I totally agree that God’s timing is different than ours and all will work out according to his plan. Thank you for the encouragement. 🙂

  25. Lisa

    Lindsay, I’ve been following you for some time now, however I’ve never commented on anything until now.
    First, I’d like to say that I’ve been through what you are going through now, and although I can’t just say I know how you feel, but I can say I feel for you from the bottom of my heart.
    I have gone through what you are going through now, and it seemed like through that time everyone I knew got pregnant. That was so hard for me to handle. I knew God had His plan and timing for us, but I thought that was so unfair.
    I’d like to share with you what I went through, and maybe in some strange way it could help you in your walk. I’m not going to try and go into a lot of long details, but I ended up with a fertility problem that took a major toll on us, and our finances. It got to the point that I started to pray that if the Lord didn’t have a baby in our plans, would He please take all those feelings from my heart. Two years after I started this, we ended up pregnant. To tell you the truth, it was a shock. I was ten weeks pregnant before we really knew. I went to my doctor for blood work and it showed up then. I was told to come back the next day for an ultrasound. I was still afraid to get my hopes up. My mother was with me that day, and when just as the nurse said ‘there’s your baby’, she moved. That was it! Momma and I both cried. It had taken us nine years to get to that point. I worried the whole time that something would happen, but it didn’t, and our little baby girl was born on December 15. This year she will turn twenty.
    I didn’t say all that to upset you in any way, but I would like to offer a note or two that may help. Keep you a journal of all this time. There will be little things that you will want to remember later. You are doing good talking on your Blog, this gives you time to share without having to “look” at anybody, you can pause and cry when you want to. And last, Keep your faith. I don’t know how we would have made it without the love and guidance of our Lord.
    I didn’t mean for this to end up so long, and I hope with all my heart the Lord blesses you with your baby. We serve an Awesome God, and through Him, all things are possible.
    Lisa in Alabama

    1. lifeloveandsugar@gmail.com

      Thank you so much Lisa! Your story definitely helps! I love hearing other peoples’ stories. They are such testimonies. My faith has grown so much through this and I know it will only grow more. Thank you again!

  26. Julianne @ Beyond Frosting

    I hope you can find comfort in knowing that you aren’t alone in this. I can’t pretend to even imagine the emotions you are going through during this process, but I will always be here for you. Thank you for sharing your story, it could not have been easy, you are incredibly brave.

    1. lifeloveandsugar@gmail.com

      Thanks girl! And thank you for listening so many times. I’m sure I sound crazy sometimes, but I appreciate the willingness to listen. 🙂 And thanks for proofreading. 🙂

  27. Annette

    Lindsay, I never know what to say in these situations (especially when I don’t know the person well), so I will just say I am so sorry for what you are going through. I hope you are blessed with a child/children someday soon. You and your husband sound like amazing people!

  28. Janelle

    You have an amazing heart and faith girl. I agree with everything you say about God’s timing. Trusting in it can be so much harder to follow or be obedient and patiet with, but I do agree when you say there is a better plan for your life than any you can create. It’s really good to hear your thoughts and where your heart is. Love you much dear friend.

  29. Whitney

    I’m hugging you and applauding you for talking about TTC and your miscarriage. I’ve been there. It’s awful. It’s terribly hard. After a year, we met with a fertility doctor and a couple months later conceived, we heard the heartbeat announced the news then the day before the 13 week appointment I woke up with signs of a miscarriage, I had a D&C that day. It was terrible, the worst emotional pain I’ve ever felt. A year and a half later we finally conceived again. Total of 3 years trying to have a baby and I now have my sweet son. God’s timing is everything, but He also is so aware of our desires and our hearts. You are courageous and strong for sharing your story. If you’d like to read ours you can check out my post here: https://www.southernhope1229.blogspot.com/p/im-not-sure-why-it-took-me-so-long-to.html

    1. lifeloveandsugar@gmail.com

      Thank you so much Whitney! I’m so sorry for the pain you experienced, but glad it worked out in the end. I’ll definitely check out your story. Thank you!

  30. Heather

    I’m praying for you, Lindsay! God is working in you and through you! Don’t ever doubt that 🙂 He knows the plans He has for you!!

  31. Krista @ Joyful Healthy Eats

    Lindsay, I LOVE that you just shared you heart today! I am so sorry for the heart ache, and the journey that you have had to go through. I am part of that group to girl, and the more I share my story the more I learn that I am not alone and that we are all bound together by this. That even though there is pain, God is weaving this beautiful tapestry together that will glorify him and will show people of his fatihfulness. The trust that you have in him pleases him and I truly think his heart hurts too to watch you go through this.

    My prayer for you will be that God continues to reveal himself to you and your husband, that he gives you the desires of your heart, and that he gives you peace in the “waiting”. Hugs to you sweet friend!

    1. lifeloveandsugar@gmail.com

      Thanks Krista! I totally agree. Thank you for the prayers – I’m praying for you too.

  32. Liz

    Thank you Lindsay for sharing your inner most personal news with us. You’re a very courageous beautiful young woman and it’s truly heartbreaking to go through miscarriage and trying to conceive. I hope all the best for you and know that we readers are much appreciative of this post. We’re not the only ones “alone” in this journey.

  33. Allison -Celebrating Sweets

    Hi, Lindsay! I’m a long time reader of your blog, and although I don’t comment often, I wanted to share some encouraging words with you. I struggled trying to conceive for several years, and it was devastating. It can be such a difficult journey. I had to seek help from a fertility specialist, and I’m so glad I did. I have 2 beautiful children now, and the long road to having them makes me appreciate them even more. Your heart will tell you which is the right path to follow. Hang in there, and thanks for being brave enough to share your story.

  34. Lynn

    Lindsay, you are so brave. And this post couldn’t have come at a better time for me. I posted just yesterday about my “infertility” diagnosis, PCOS. Although I have not been pregnant at all in the past year that we’ve been letting things happen on their own, it’s still worrisome that nothing HAS happened. Our journey to TTC is just beginning and I’m prepared for it to be difficult. I am so thankful for my supportive husband, and it sounds like you have the same. We are lucky girls!
    Wishing you the best. Again, you are SO brave. It’s hard to talk about these things but I’ve found it easier to have conversations when people know what’s going on. I hope sharing that information brings you some inner peace!

    1. Janelle

      I, too, have PCOS. As I commented, it took 8 1/2 years to conceive our son. (I had an early miscarriage prior, but then couldn’t conceive for 8 1/2 years after that.). Our daughter was born 5 1/2 years after that. (Our son was praying for a sister.). Then, at 39, found out I was pregnant again! My Dr. did tell me that sometimes women with PCOS cannot conceive at all in their 20’s, then (sometimes), the older they get, the more fertile they get. Go figure, it’s usually the opposite! Lo and behold, that ‘s what happened to me. Miscarriage at 24, son at 32, miscarriage at 34, daughter at 37 and son at 39. Don’t know if that will happen for you, but I want to give you hope! Also, I have recently been reading testimonies from people drinking Plexus Slim, that they’ve been able to conceive. Just trying to help. Hugs to you from one who’s been there.

    2. lifeloveandsugar@gmail.com

      Thank you so much Lynn! I’m definitely grateful to also have a supportive husband. I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles as well. Hearing peoples’ stories is so helpful to me – good to know we aren’t alone. I wish all the best for you guys in your journey to conceive.

      1. Lynn

        Lindsay, since commenting on this post, I unfotunately have miscarried. We are in the process of getting there again, hopefully with a successful pregnancy this time… But I want you to know I think of you often. Hope you’re well… <3

      2. lifeloveandsugar@gmail.com

        I’m so sorry to hear that Lynn. I know it’s painful. We are still working on it as well. I’ll keep you in my prayers. I hope it happens again for you soon.

  35. Mir

    It’s very courageous of you to write about this, Lindsay. So many women (myself included) miscarry, and we don’t discuss it because for some reason, it’s a taboo subject in so many places. But you’d be amazed at how many of us there are out there, and how much we all support you and empathize.
    I’m not going to tell you that everything happens for a reason, because I think that’s the kind of conclusion you have to draw on your own with a lot of hindsight. But I know you will find happiness and peace, one way or another.
    My thoughts are with you!

    1. lifeloveandsugar@gmail.com

      Thank you so much Mir! You are right – it’s amazing how many people have experienced it and it always helps to talk about it. The more people I open up to, the more I realize that to be true.

  36. Tracy

    I am so sorry for your loss. It’s heartbreaking and very difficult to talk about so I commend you. I hope that you are able to make your dreams come true. It’s easy to lose hope. Our journey was 10 years long but we now have 2 beautiful daughters. I wish you luck

    1. lifeloveandsugar@gmail.com

      Thank you so much Tracy! And so glad to hear that everything worked out for you! Gives me hope! 🙂

About Lindsay

I'm a wife and a mom to twin boys and a baby girl! And I've got a serious sweets addiction! Bring on the treats!

Scripture I’m Loving

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:28-29